The idea of getting back into the dating scene after years being married is daunting at best. Dating can be especially tricky if you have children. But, we humans are instinctively drawn to partnering up. So chances are very good that sooner or later you (along with nearly every other divorced person) will be dipping your toe into the waters of dating after divorce.
There are many things to consider when making the choice to begin dating after your divorce. Perhaps one of the toughest is what to say to your children. This discussion will depend largely on your children’s age.
With
pre-teens and young teens (11-14) It's OK to actually use the word date. You aren't going to freak out your child. Chances are good that he or she already has a good idea of what dating is all about! And this includes dating after divorce. For example,
"I'm going out on a date on Thursday. I'm wondering how you feel about me starting to date." Note: This does not mean that you are asking your child's permission to date.
With
teens (15-20) it is important to be honest about your actions. For example,
"I'd like to start dating. It's been long enough after the divorce that I am ready to meet some new people. I'm wondering how you feel about that." Since your teens are also likely dating, it is important to talk with them about how it may be awkward to have a parent dating at the same time.
Most professionals agree that parents should keep their dating relationships private and away from children until the relationship is serious. Only you can decide what "
serious" means for you.
You're going to have a lot of ups and downs on your way to new love, but knowing how to speak to your children can make it a little easier
-Estelle
Estelle is the president/owner of Estelle Matchmaking, LLC a boutique matchmaking service for selective singles in the NYC area (including Westchester and Fairfield Counties) and South Florida.
